John Edwards Comes – a – Calling!
When they told me Pretty Johnny was in my lobby I canceled a previous appointment so I could talk to him.
When he came in he was all smiles, I just sat and emotionlessly stared at him. When he extended his hand to shake mine, I left him hang’n. He dropped his head in shame and said,
I leaned back in my chair and took a sip of my honey-water, Pretty Johnny started begging:
“Mr. Ballmer, I thought that maybe you would give me a job sir! I know that right now I am like the plague! I’m the guy who was cheating on his terminally ill wife and denying his own love-child! I made fools out of millions of people who believed in me and I am now universally reviled as a low-life scum-sucking maggot with no morals, a loathsome hypocrite with no redeeming virtues, a doublecrossing shallow husk of a man not fit to share the air with regular people!”
I raised an eyebrow and sucked my teeth, he was shaken. he dropped to his knees and continued to beg:
“Sir, I’m at the end of my rope! People won’t vote for me as a politician or hire me as a lawyer! They see me coming and cross the road or cover their children’s eyes! Have mercy sir! I’ll do anything!
I’ll work for less than $250 an hour! Have mercy sir!”
I was softening, I asked, “Who sent you to me?”
He said, “Hillary, sir!”
I screamed, “GUARDS!”
They responded in 1.5 seconds (a little slow)
I commanded, “get this person off of our property! ..and don’t be gentle about it!”
I could hear his screams, crying and begging through my plate glass wall all the way from the parking lot!
To think! He almost had me for a minute there!