The Pope Blesses Windows8!
I flew to Italy for something I’ve lobbied for for an entire year, an audience with the Pope! I had to pull all kinds of strings, both holy and not, but I had to see His Eminence!
Well you see, our stats show that a full quarter of all Microsoft products users are Catholic, and that since the launch of Windows7 this is also the group that was adopting it the slowest or moving on to another OS! I have no idea as to why, but most of the time I don’t care about why things happen, I only care about what happens.
On our way to the Holy Father’s office, a couple of big Jesuit bodyguard types frisked me and warned me sternly, “No commercial stuff! The Pope does no product endorsements! None at all!” I said,
“Oh I understand.”
As I and my camera crew entered His Loftiness office and was ushered into the Pontiff’s presence, the attendants said, “you have twenty seconds, make it good!”
I bowed before Benedict, (he was impressed). He said, “arise my son Ballmer, wherefore comest ye to ourselves?”
I answered in my most magnanimous tone, “I have come far Your Holiness bearing a gift for theeself, but put forth thy holy hands and I shall endow thee!”
He held his hands out and I quickly reached into my shirt where I had Windows7 CD’s hidden, (they neglected to search there) I plunked them into his hands. He looked confused, then surprised, then he got mad when he realised what he was holding. He dropped the CD’s, backed away and yelled, “Jesuits! The accursed thing! I have touched it!”
They all scurried off to wash his hands in holy water while my camera crew and I were unceremoniously ushered out of the suite.
As we got into the stretch Limo, I asked, “you guys got that?”
They answered, “Yes sir Missta Ballmer sir! Selected stills of His Holiness ‘Blessing’ Windows7Vista will be all over the Internet by this time tomorrow!”
I said, “Mission accomplished, that should get the Catholics back in line! Next the Mormons!”