The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!


I admit it, things haven’t been going that well since I took “full control” of Microsoft from Bill.
I was sitting and sulking at my desk, I was taking no calls, no visitors, … nothing!
Then Bill came in, (security does not stop him) he sat on my desk in that lotus position he likes, he looks at me with that stupid grin of his and said,
“Problems Bubbillah?” (I hate it when he calls me that!)

BALLMER: “This job sucks! All of the fun is gone! Everybody hates me! ….. How did you do it?”

He sighed loudly, got off my desk and flopped down into my lazy-boy (I hate that). He then said,

“When things look crappy, think: What Would James Tiberius Kirk Do?”

BALLMER: “Are you talking about Star Trek again?”

GATES: “I’m serious, just pretend you are Captian Kirk! … Just think of this office as the deck of NCC1701!”
I looked at him confused (that happens a lot);

GATES: “The Applegians are in the neutral zone, they are firing longrange Imamac beams at you and your warp drives go off-line! What do you do captain?”

BALLMER: “I raise shields and fire a full spread of photon torpedoes.”

GATES: “The Linuxians are attacking you in a smaller yet powerful ship which you can’t out maneuver, shields are down, what do you do Kirk?”

BALLMER: “I shut down all but life support and drift, they move in slowly, thinking I dead. Then I suddenly energize the phasers and blast them into oblivion!”

Gates: “The Googalites are threatening the Federation with a new NeutronSearch weapon for which you have no defense! How about it Jim?”

BALLMER: “I pretend to want to negotiate and set up a meeting with them, when they appear I modulate the frequency of the shields and beam their crew to the brig and their senior staff into space!”

GATES: “Now do you get it tatta-head?”

I got up, walked over to my window, smiled and said,
“This is going to be fun!”

I turned to thank Bill, he was gone!


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