The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’08 a Changed Man


For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’14!
Death to Apple and Linux!

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