The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

Horror

Remembering North Korea 11 Years ago

pyongyangwelcome

Jr. has taken over the family business of Running North Korea and he is doing a horrible job! I remember back when Kim Jong Ill ran the place I even went there regularly for conferences and vacation. Yes, vacation in North Korea, think about it:

No congested roadways.

Friendly people who are afraid to death of you.

Security detail following you 24/7 absolutely free.

No pesky internet.

Full nights sleep, the whole country powers down at 7:30 pm.

None of that “deciding things” stress here, they decide everything for you. What a relief.

Brisk, refreshing, exhilarating cold showers (from 6-10 am).

The entire country is on a strict weight watchers plan, not chubbies here.

No messing around trying to figure out the darn tv remote, there is only one channel.

Gilligan’s island reruns from 3-6 everyday.

Elvis impersonators are everywhere. The entire country is dedicated to Elvis.

Back to the good old days of Windows 3.1.

Yes North Korea is a CEO’s dream come true, no complaining workers or whistle-blowers, just contentment and conformity everywhere. “Imagine all the people living for today….”

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CNN The Gameshow Format News Remembered


CNN The Gameshow Format News Remembered


The Disaster Called Startrek Discovery

trek

Where do I start?

OK, Klingons!

ghob’e’ Qu’ Hoch ‘e’ naQ tIq HoS je

I tried to be open minded here but the timeline is wrong, technology is wrong, sets are wrong, acting is flat, plots are tortured, …… the Klingons are not Klingons!

Who came up with this stuff? Kilngons are passionate, extreme, wild-eyed! The Kilngons on Discovery are mask, that’s it.

I tried to like this show but I HATE it! The writers should be fed to my pitakh!

It actually makes me like The Orville.


The Disaster Called Startrek Discovery

trek

Where do I start?

OK, Klingons!

ghob’e’ Qu’ Hoch ‘e’ naQ tIq HoS je

I tried to be open minded here but the timeline is wrong, technology is wrong, sets are wrong, acting is flat, plots are tortured, …… the Klingons are not Klingons!

Who came up with this stuff? Kilngons are passionate, extreme, wild-eyed! The Kilngons on Discovery are mask, that’s it.

I tried to like this show but I HATE it! The writers should be fed to my pitakh!

It actually makes me like The Orville.


So, You Don’t Believe in Vampires? – Ballmer File WTC1.14

86259093_86259092

The Year: 2014

Event: World Technology Conference

Assignment:  Push MS Surface products in Eurozone

Results:  Pure Terror

Perpetrator: German Prime Minister Angela Merkel

Report Synopsis:

6:25 am – 7:00 pm: After long day meeting with various representatives from various smelly European countries, I was weary. I’d talked to everyone except Merkel, she I was told does not have daytime meetings.

82922635

9:12 pm – I got a nap and left for my appointment with her at Wernierode Castle. Long ride, had snack in car.

11:52 pm – Arrived for mid-night appointment (none in my personal entourage were allowed in the Banquet hall, highly unusual) – large musty torch lit hall, I was alone.

12:01 am – Merkel appears, literally appears before me wearing nothing but a leather thong and heels. – Quickly concluded that her attire was quite inappropriate for a business meeting so I instinctively made my way for the doors (years of HR training kicked in).

12:02 am – As I reached for the door knobs my body froze and I felt my body lifted from the floor and deposited in large chair near hearth – (explanation of phenomena indeterminate) Merkel, hissing approaches from behind. Still cannot move my body.

12:03 am – Subject Merkel, grabs me by chin, raises my head, opens my mouth wide. Merkel proceeds to french-kiss me, I still remember feeling her tongue lapping at my tonsils.

easy-garlic-bread-97118-1

After that my memory is blank until;

7:45 am – I am  awakened in my hotel suite by my alarm clock, disoriented, groggy, disheveled, unsure exactly what happened.

But definitely knowing I needed to brush my teeth and floss after eating an entire half loaf of garlic bread toast in the limo last night.

 

 


So, You Don’t Believe in Vampires? – Ballmer File WTC1.14

86259093_86259092

The Year: 2014

Event: World Technology Conference

Assignment:  Push MS Surface products in Eurozone

Results:  Pure Terror

Perpetrator: German Prime Minister Angela Merkel

Report Synopsis:

6:25 am – 7:00 pm: After long day meeting with various representatives from various smelly European countries, I was weary. I’d talked to everyone except Merkel, she I was told does not have daytime meetings.

82922635

9:12 pm – I got a nap and left for my appointment with her at Wernierode Castle. Long ride, had snack in car.

11:52 pm – Arrived for mid-night appointment (none in my personal entourage were allowed in the Banquet hall, highly unusual) – large musty torch lit hall, I was alone.

12:01 am – Merkel appears, literally appears before me wearing nothing but a leather thong and heels. – Quickly concluded that her attire was quite inappropriate for a business meeting so I instinctively made my way for the doors (years of HR training kicked in).

12:02 am – As I reached for the door knobs my body froze and I felt my body lifted from the floor and deposited in large chair near hearth – (explanation of phenomena indeterminate) Merkel, hissing approaches from behind. Still cannot move my body.

12:03 am – Subject Merkel, grabs me by chin, raises my head, opens my mouth wide. Merkel proceeds to french-kiss me, I still remember feeling her tongue lapping at my tonsils.

easy-garlic-bread-97118-1

After that my memory is blank until;

7:45 am – I am  awakened in my hotel suite by my alarm clock, disoriented, groggy, disheveled, unsure exactly what happened.

But definitely knowing I needed to brush my teeth and floss after eating an entire half loaf of garlic bread toast in the limo last night.