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Korea

Remembering North Korea 11 Years ago

pyongyangwelcome

Jr. has taken over the family business of Running North Korea and he is doing a horrible job! I remember back when Kim Jong Ill ran the place I even went there regularly for conferences and vacation. Yes, vacation in North Korea, think about it:

No congested roadways.

Friendly people who are afraid to death of you.

Security detail following you 24/7 absolutely free.

No pesky internet.

Full nights sleep, the whole country powers down at 7:30 pm.

None of that “deciding things” stress here, they decide everything for you. What a relief.

Brisk, refreshing, exhilarating cold showers (from 6-10 am).

The entire country is on a strict weight watchers plan, not chubbies here.

No messing around trying to figure out the darn tv remote, there is only one channel.

Gilligan’s island reruns from 3-6 everyday.

Elvis impersonators are everywhere. The entire country is dedicated to Elvis.

Back to the good old days of Windows 3.1.

Yes North Korea is a CEO’s dream come true, no complaining workers or whistle-blowers, just contentment and conformity everywhere. “Imagine all the people living for today….”

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Remembering North Korea 11 Years ago

pyongyangwelcome

Jr. has taken over the family business of Running North Korea and he is doing a horrible job! I remember back when Kim Jong Ill ran the place I even went there regularly for conferences and vacation. Yes, vacation in North Korea, think about it:

No congested roadways.

Friendly people who are afraid to death of you.

Security detail following you 24/7 absolutely free.

No pesky internet.

Full nights sleep, the whole country powers down at 7:30 pm.

None of that “deciding things” stress here, they decide everything for you. What a relief.

Brisk, refreshing, exhilarating cold showers (from 6-10 am).

The entire country is on a strict weight watchers plan, not chubbies here.

No messing around trying to figure out the darn tv remote, there is only one channel.

Gilligan’s island reruns from 3-6 everyday.

Elvis impersonators are everywhere. The entire country is dedicated to Elvis.

Back to the good old days of Windows 3.1.

Yes North Korea is a CEO’s dream come true, no complaining workers or whistle-blowers, just contentment and conformity everywhere. “Imagine all the people living for today….”


The Nature of North Korea

returntonk

What the state department, congress and public does not seem to understand about North Korea is what they really are. What we fail to comprehend is that North Korea is a nation of MEI’s that is Militant Elvis Impersonators! They cannot be negotiated with unless you speak their jargon. Way back when I went there to rescue Bill-girl I knew this. My greeting to Kim Jong Ill, “You ain’t nun’tin but a hound-dog, cry’n all the time”, he smiled and said, “thank you vury mooch”. I gave him a pair of my blue suede shoes, apologized and he returned Bill-girl (soiled but alive). We went on to become good friends.


I Once Stopped Nuclear War by Wrestling!

pcfrbgdisbanded

Who remembers when I went to North Korea to talk Kim Jong Ill (Un’s father) out of destroying Seoul and sending the rest of the world into a nuclear a war? Don’t recall it? Well let me tell you this much;

“The CIA sent me to North Korea back in 2009, they believed that I was the only one whom he trusted or understood him. They just couldn’t wrap their minds around the concept that North Korea is a nation of MEI’s (Militant Elvis Impersonators). So, like any good citizen would, I went to North Korea with my travel companion PeeWee.

All went well when I got there, until they demanded that PeeWee and I had to defeat their champion Sumo Wrestler if we wanted to stop the looming dogs of war! to make a long story short: We fought, we cheated (drugged him), we won! A global crisis was averted!” ***

Kim Jong Ill is dead and rotting now and that boy of his is as crazy as a loon! However, if you guys require my services again (I know the CIA monitors this blog) I will be available to save the world again. Just don’t make me have to eat any more of that North Korean Kimchi. I can still taste it!


*** Super Condensed version


The Monkey-Boy Conspiracy

Soon to be on the New York Times Best Sellers List, “The Monkey-Boy Conspiracy” will hit the shelves in your local Microsoft store. Most of you probably will not believe that this is actually real, but just wait. When you are holding it in your hands, snorting the four scratch and sniff strips, sleeping with it under your pillow; then you will believe!


North Korea Slowly Coming to it’s Senses!

Mansudae-Monument

I actually see tiny signs of sanity sloooowly returning to North Korea. If you don’t it’s simply because you don’t know what to look for:

The cult of Elvis being degraded:

As anyone who has actually been there can attest, the North under Kim Jong Ill was firmly a cult of MEI’s (Militant Elvis Impersonators). The older Kim dressed like him, wore platform shoes like him, Kim did that little sneer like him, listened to his music, …. they worshiped everything Elvis through Kim Jong Ill. But I can see that the new Kim, has a less firm grip on the Elvis thing. He is from a new generation and Elvis died long ago to him, he is not as into the Elvis rut as his father was. Un even sometimes cuts his hair differently, which for most of the population can land you in prison!

Kim Jong Un even slipped and admitted he urinates occasionally. He tries but is incapable of being as strict about this stuff as his father, he is less Elvis-orthodox than his father was. That’s why I have been sending him books, phamplets, articles, writing on myself over the years in hopes of converting him to a Zunist. Why do you think I write this blog? I have heard that he reads it daily. Can you imagine an entire country run by Zune loving Ballmerites? Who knows, one day Kim Nung Ballm may be the People’s Beloved Supreme Leader.

This is a very good thing.

I just pray that he does not watch Justin Bieber videos.


Remembering The Vista7 for all Campaign

recov_v7fa

Those were some beautiful posters back then!