The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

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La Multitud de Rallyes Colombianos!

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¡Vine a Colombia para ver por mí mismo el celo y la emoción de la gente en los mítines gratuitos del FSB! Creo que esta imagen lo dice todo.

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I Once Stopped Nuclear War by Wrestling!

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Who remembers when I went to North Korea to talk Kim Jong Ill (Un’s father) out of destroying Seoul and sending the rest of the world into a nuclear a war? Don’t recall it? Well let me tell you this much;

“The CIA sent me to North Korea back in 2009, they believed that I was the only one whom he trusted or understood him. They just couldn’t wrap their minds around the concept that North Korea is a nation of MEI’s (Militant Elvis Impersonators). So, like any good citizen would, I went to North Korea with my travel companion PeeWee.

All went well when I got there, until they demanded that PeeWee and I had to defeat their champion Sumo Wrestler if we wanted to stop the looming dogs of war! to make a long story short: We fought, we cheated (drugged him), we won! A global crisis was averted!” ***

Kim Jong Ill is dead and rotting now and that boy of his is as crazy as a loon! However, if you guys require my services again (I know the CIA monitors this blog) I will be available to save the world again. Just don’t make me have to eat any more of that North Korean Kimchi. I can still taste it!


*** Super Condensed version

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MSZuneFan Come Home!

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Remembering the KIN

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Can One Fake Blogger Make a Difference?

After the Net Neutrality defeat back in December, everybody was pretty bummed-out. So much so that at my last Free Fake Steve Ballmer Rally most of the crowd seemed a bit depressed. I assured them that I would continue the fight, I was not going to surrender to the evil corporate interest which are plotting against bloggers everywhere! I even did a little of my signature yelping, jumping and dancing, nothing seemed to fire-up the crowd. They were about as depressed as I have ever seen a group of Z.U.N.E.s (Zune-Using Nerd Elites).  One of them even approached the stage, (you can get hurt like that) he asked me tearfully,

“Can One Fake Blogger Make a Difference?”

The entire room went silent in anticipation of their leader’s answer, I knew to choose my words carefully. The CNN guys in the back did a tight zoom on my face. I cleared my voice, looked the Z.U.N.E. directly in the eyes and said in the most serious tone I could muster:

“If it’s the last thing that I ever do, I shall return as CEO of all, I shall return Net Neutrality! …… I swear it on my basement Brown Zune collection!”

The crowd gasped! Shocked, they muttered, “on the Brown Zune Collection!” Slowly they started to applaud, the CNN guys went Live, The FSB-Girls started to cry and the applause reached a thunderous pitch! They started to chant,

“ONE FAKE BLOGGER! ONE FAKE BLOGGER! ONE FAKE BLOGGER! ONE FAKE BLOGGER!…”

That evening when I got home, I kicked back in the lazy-boy and thought to myself,

“Oh my goodness! I swore it on my basement Brown Zune collection?”

Join the NNLO https://www.change.org/p/ajit-pai-fcc-gov-i-support-the-nnlo-net-neutrality-liberation-organization

 

The Monkey-Boy Conspiracy

Soon to be on the New York Times Best Sellers List, “The Monkey-Boy Conspiracy” will hit the shelves in your local Microsoft store. Most of you probably will not believe that this is actually real, but just wait. When you are holding it in your hands, snorting the four scratch and sniff strips, sleeping with it under your pillow; then you will believe!

Bill-Girl and Pauly Shore

Paulyandbillgirl2Bill came by the stadium office the other day and asked if I had seen his illegitimate daughter Bill-Girl as of late. I spilled the beans, (I could never lie to Bill)

“She came here about two weeks ago and asked for some pocket money, so I gave her about $50,000 or so. She was with that actor friend of hers, Pauly Shore. I’ve never trusted that guy, something about his eyes, you can tell that what he’s saying isn’t what he’s thinking. Why do you ask?”

He started to cry (I can’t stand the way he whimpers) and said, “She usually checks in with me every few days, but I haven’t heard from her in weeks! I know she’s a beautiful, intelligent young lady, but she is so dang impressionable, I worry about her, I think this Pauly guy may be taking advantage of my baby! Dad-Gummit!”

I was shocked! “Bill, you cursed! You are really upset.”

I walked over and pat him on the head, (He likes that) and said,

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll put my personal private detective Jack Stone on it. He can find anybody!”

Bill was reassured and went back to the helipad to go home. When I was sure he was gone I turned the photo Pauly sent me this morning back over and said to myself;

“Billidrea Zunetta Seisfeld, what have you gotten yourself into now?

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