Benjamin has got to be one of the coolest guys in the world, he also has the crappiest job in the world! I asked him about it,
“Terrorist, wars, assassins, bombers, politicians …. man what a job, but you still manage to smile whenever I see you. How do you do it BiBi?”
He smiled, looked at me then said, “you inspired me my friend!”
Shocked, I stammered, “what? How did I do that?”
He holds up my book, (The Monkey-boy Conspiracy) kisses it and says, “This, this, this book right here.”
We were both chocked up by then …. I’m doing it again.
“You may have heard about all of the commotion on the Fake News stations about me being my own fake blogger, which I am not! The ‘leaked – anonymous sourced documents’ showing collusion between me and this blog are untrue and spread by the continuing RUSSIAN Disinformation cabal.”
When I said Russians, all of the reporters got out of their seats and rushed me to get their microphones as close as possible. I went on;
“The Steve Fake Ballmer website has nothing to do with who I am not pretending not to be or who I am really not. I blame the RUSSIANS! They are the ones behind the fake fake blogger epidemic and oppression of fake journalism according to my sources. The RUSSIANS are colluding with colluders doing this to upset our fake democratic values which I know and have never known about. Let me make this clear, I am not fake Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me! – The RUSSIANS are not who I am!”
I wanted to get on CNN and indeed I did, all you have to do is say RUSSIANS and speak their jargon.
Пусть сила Зуне будет с тобой сейчас и всегда.
It was a special day at Vista Chapel Church of Windows, because I had some very special guest! Bishop Smirnoff and a delegation of his “wise-men” flew in from St. Petersburg.
I greeted them in the gift shop. I asked Bishop about his denomination, he answered:
“Oh great Ballmer, we were all at one time Russian Orthodox Reformed Freestyle Eastern United Brethren, but one day I was inspired from on high to Bing your name! But, of course I immediately found your blog and Flicker Repository of artistic riches! I read every post, studied every picture! I shared your sacred insightfulness with my wise-men! Our lives were changed! You can barely imagine our excitement when we first saw that you had established Vista Chapel COW!
We saved to make our pilgrimage here and to come and learn more of the ‘Way of the Zune’ from your most ample mouth great ZuneMaster! Speak, speak now Oh great Ballmer! Thy servants shall hear and obey!”
I told them what I tell everyone here:
“Shun non-Microsoft products! Beware viruses! x-Box daily! Upgrade to whatever is the latest Vista! Chastise the iPoders! Follow the way of the Zune!”
They were so receptive! We talked for hours!
They had to get back to their monastery, so I put them on Percy (my jet), gave them 100 pre-press editions of “The Monkey-boy Conspiracy” and coupons for half off Windows upgrades! THEY WERE SO HAPPY!
As Percy took off, I waved and shouted, “Shalom, return safely to Florida!”