The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

Posts tagged “friends

ZuneSquad!

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I was tired of reading and hearing, “Ballmer Needs to Quit Now!” everywhere I looked. I told my secretary Irma, “I need to get out of here, reenergize my batteries, find some positivity for a change, what do you suggest?”

Without hesitation she answered, “Go down to Dallas Texas, the local 1ZuneNation branch is holding it’s Zunexpo this week! They would love for you to keynote or do one of your new product demos for them!”

I said, “yeah, I forgot about that branch … but aren’t they rather, well, excentric?”

She snickered “Just because they call themselves the ZuneSquad, like to dress-up like state troopers and parade arround in goose-step? I guess they are a little eccentric to us, but that’s how they do down in Texas sir. Zunist come in all kinds of flavors!”

I sat back, thought about it for a second, then said, “book it! Sounds interesting.”
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…. Boy was I right!

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I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me!


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1 ZuneNation Poster

The movement is still alive baby!


I LOVE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!

I remember when I was in college, going to their concerts in my plumber outfit. I danced the night away, pipewrenchs in both hands, eyes closed, spinning and skipping, waving my arms wildly …..

“YMCA— fun to be at the YMCA —- YMCA— go to the YMCA —-”

When the song was over, I’d open my eyes and see that I was dancing so good that everyone else had cleared the floor and they were just staring at me.

ahhhhh, Those were the days ….. I was such a Macho, Macho man!


The Other Fake Steve and Others Discuss ME!


BusinessWeek: “Unlocking Value” at Microsoft

Businessweek has published an excellent article singing the praises of one of our young vibrant product managers, Scott Buchannon, it is an excellent read!
Scott is an MBA in charge of “Unlocking Value” for our customers of the MS Office Suite, Many people have our products but need a little help unlocking and deploying their full value. I quote:
“you can only experience the value of a chocolate chip cookie once you ‘deploy’ it to your mouth or the value in a pair of running shoes once you ‘deploy’ them to your feet”
He also mentions “real-time editing” … all of this dispite the fact that he knows nothing about computers:
“I’m not a very technical guy. On my first day at Microsoft it took me 30 minutes just to find the latch to open my laptop (though I did successfully find the “on” button pretty quickly)”
Great employees like Scott and his team are there to help.
Read the article and get some insight on a typical day for a typical extraordinary MS employee.


When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’19 a Changed Man


For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’19!
Death to Apple and Linux!