The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

Posts tagged “microsoft

ZuneCam – Sooner Than Later!

I was thinking last week when it occurred to me that we were trying to get into everything except cameras! I picked up the phone and called TOG (That Other Guy) since Ray-Oz is always on vacation somewhere, I said, “Hey, TOG, why don’t we make a camera? Everybody would buy one!
We could come out with some proprietary graphics format to try to kill off that jpeg stuff!”
TOG: “Yes sir Mr. Ballmer!”
“Let’s call the format jpeg XR”
TOG: “Yes sir Mr. Ballmer!”
“Give the camera some kinda’ super lens and fuse it to a Zune!”
TOG: “I’m getting excited Mr. Ballmer!”
“I’m just a little ticked, do I have to think up everything around here?”
TOG: “Yes sir Mr. Ballmer!”
“Get the NtN’s (Nasal toned Nerds) on it right now, form a few committees to spec and design it, float some rumors on the Internet and spend a few million on some desperate digital camera parts company!”
TOG: “Not a problem Mr. Ballmer, I’ll start it off with some of the funds from the **DDSF account!”
“Oh, yeah, I won’t remember any of this by tomorrow so zap me an email for the records. bye.”
Just after I hung up I thought about why we made TOG such a high level executive. He’s a good sounding board, he challenges you, makes
you think! I could really use a few hundred more like him.

**Discretionary Disinformation Slush Fund

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When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’18 a Changed Man


For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’19!
Death to Apple and Linux!


SIGN THE PETITION!

Screen Shot 2017-11-01 at 3.47.23 PM

Stop just talking about the “good old days” – Sign the petition and help them to come back!

https://www.change.org/p/microsoft-bring-back-steve-ballmer-as-ceo-of-microsoft?recruiter=818734027&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition


SIGN THE PETITION!

Screen Shot 2017-11-01 at 3.47.23 PM

Stop just talking about the “good old days” – Sign the petition and help them to come back!

https://www.change.org/p/microsoft-bring-back-steve-ballmer-as-ceo-of-microsoft?recruiter=818734027&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition


SIGN THE PETITION For CHRISTMAS!

Screen Shot 2017-11-01 at 3.47.23 PM

Stop just talking about the “good old days” – Sign the petition and help them to come back!

https://www.change.org/p/microsoft-bring-back-steve-ballmer-as-ceo-of-microsoft?recruiter=818734027&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition


SIGN THE PETITION!

Screen Shot 2017-11-01 at 3.47.23 PM

Stop just talking about the “good old days” – Sign the petition and help them to come back!

https://www.change.org/p/microsoft-bring-back-steve-ballmer-as-ceo-of-microsoft?recruiter=818734027&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition


Zune vs iPhune X – Declutter Your Life!

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Sermon notes from Thursday Nite Defrag Service:

“…. and I saw a beast rising out of the land of girl-men; it was glossy and bossy, it held sway o’er the lives of men and didst give them no rest; their faces and souls did it devour! He who has wisdom beware the X-beast, beware it’s enslavement, hide thine face and retain thy soul!”  – Redmond 6:23-24b

sevencomes

The “new” iPhone is on the market and what a market it is! At $999 a pop? Give me a break people!

I personally decided to declutter my life!

Having apps tracking your every move, telling you what to do, dictating to you, a phone that looks at you all day. I mean, who is in control here? Is it you or that thing? Don’t you feel a little bound by all that tech? On the man’s grid every second of the day – a digital slave! THAT is what you are an iSlave! You don’t call the shots anymore!

I personally decided to declutter my life!

Sure you need a digital ASSISTANT not a master! I say, rise up people! Reclaim your lives, your family, your very souls from these iThings! Be a human again, remember how that felt? ……. I thought not.

You need a Zune not a Massa’ that you shuffle and hustle for! Break your digital chains and be free boy!

I personally decided to declutter my life!

— keep your $900 cash and get a Zune on amazon for less than $100

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https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Delectronics&field-keywords=zune+mp3+player