A man goes to a shrink and says, ‘Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?’
‘Relax,’ says the Doctor, ‘take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?’
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. ‘Give me one last request, dear,’he said.
‘Of course, John,’ his wife said softly.
‘Six months after I die,’ he said, ‘I want you to marry George.’
‘But I thought you hated George,’ she said.
With his last breath John said, ‘I do!’
A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’
From the Wahington Post
Apple co-founder Steve Jobs released a letter late Wednesday in which he resigined as Chief Executive Officer and named Timothy Cook as his successor. As the Washington Post’s Michael Rosenwald reported:
Apple chief executive Steve Jobs, who almost single-handedly changed the way people around the world consume music, the Internet and even TV, announced late Wednesday that he has resigned as leader of the company he co-founded in his parents’ garage.
Jobs, who has suffered from pancreatic cancer and had a liver transplant in 2009, has looked increasingly frail in his cultlike appearances in front of Apple fans to introduce new products, but he did not explicitly indicate in a letter to the company’s board and its customers whether his health was failing.
“I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know,” wrote Jobs, who has been on a health leave of absence since January. “Unfortunately, that day has come.”
Although not entirely unexpected given the grave nature of his previous illnesses — he had surgery for a rare form of pancreatic cancer in 2004 — Jobs’s resignation ends one of the most extraordinary runs in business history. This month, Apple briefly became the most valuable company in the world, surpassing oil giant Exxon Mobil.
Jobs has been replaced by Tim Cook, his longtime No. 2 and the company’s chief operating officer. Cook has run Apple’s day-to-day operations during Jobs’s health-related absences. Jobs will be chairman of the board.
It was a special day at Vista Chapel Church of Windows, because I had some very special guest! Bishop Smirnoff and a delegation of his “wise-men” flew in from St. Petersburg.
I greeted them in the gift shop. I asked Bishop about his denomination, he answered:
“Oh great Ballmer, we were all at one time Russian Orthodox Reformed Freestyle Eastern United Brethren, but one day I was inspired from on high to Bing your name! But, of course I immediately found your blog and Flicker Repository of artistic riches! I read every post, studied every picture! I shared your sacred insightfulness with my wise-men! Our lives were changed! You can barely imagine our excitement when we first saw that you had established Vista Chapel COW!
We saved to make our pilgrimage here and to come and learn more of the ‘Way of the Zune’ from your most ample mouth great ZuneMaster! Speak, speak now Oh great Ballmer! Thy servants shall hear and obey!”
I told them what I tell everyone here:
“Shun non-Microsoft products! Beware viruses! x-Box daily! Upgrade to whatever is the latest Vista! Chastise the iPoders! Follow the way of the Zune!”
They were so receptive! We talked for hours!
They had to get back to their monastery, so I put them on Percy (my jet), gave them 100 pre-press editions of “The Monkey-boy Conspiracy” and coupons for half off Windows upgrades! THEY WERE SO HAPPY!
As Percy took off, I waved and shouted, “Shalom, return safely to Florida!”
“YMCA— fun to be at the YMCA —- YMCA— go to the YMCA —-”
When the song was over, I’d open my eyes and see that I was dancing so good that everyone else had cleared the floor and they were just staring at me.
ahhhhh, Those were the days ….. I was such a Macho, Macho man!