The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

Posts tagged “politicians

Bill at CFFSB Again! A Man of Intelligence and Stamina!


At this quarter’s CFFSB Luncheon we had our very first repeat speaker!
“A man of intelligence and stamina” as he terms himself, none other than ex-president William Jefferson Clinton!
During his speech, Bill addressed the rumors that he may be called to take on my job should the ZunePhone, ZunePad and stock price go down in flames in the next few months! Bill said:
“… I have full confidence in Stephanos and his team! Hey, everybody has a few bad years, believe me I know! Steve like myself is a man of intelligence and amazing stamina! As for rumors that I would take his job, well, just let me say that my hands are almost always full! Any such thing happening is highly unlikely.”
He then looks at me, raises his glass of Boones-Farm and toast:
“My friend, you are a gemntleman and a scholar! One whose depth of character is unquestioned in all areanas of life! Mozoltov my friend!”
The crowd stood in applause, Bill exited out the side door. He said he had to leave early because of “pressing matters,” I understood naturally.
If anybody were to ever take my place though, I think he would be the guy!


Bill at CFFSB Again! A Man of Intelligence and Stamina!


At this quarter’s CFFSB Luncheon we had our very first repeat speaker!
“A man of intelligence and stamina” as he terms himself, none other than ex-president William Jefferson Clinton!
During his speech, Bill addressed the rumors that he may be called to take on my job should the ZunePhone, ZunePad and stock price go down in flames in the next few months! Bill said:
“… I have full confidence in Stephanos and his team! Hey, everybody has a few bad years, believe me I know! Steve like myself is a man of intelligence and amazing stamina! As for rumors that I would take his job, well, just let me say that my hands are almost always full! Any such thing happening is highly unlikely.”
He then looks at me, raises his glass of Boones-Farm and toast:
“My friend, you are a gemntleman and a scholar! One whose depth of character is unquestioned in all areanas of life! Mozoltov my friend!”
The crowd stood in applause, Bill exited out the side door. He said he had to leave early because of “pressing matters,” I understood naturally.
If anybody were to ever take my place though, I think he would be the guy!


When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’18 a Changed Man


For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’19!
Death to Apple and Linux!


Proclamation:

“Californians United For Fake Steve Ballmer”
PROCLAMATION
by the Governor of the State of California

jbAs duly elected representative of the great people of the great state of
California, I this day state my disgust with the enemies of FSB! As said
representative I do declare before multiple witnesses my affinity and
common cause with the Los Angeles group CUFFSB! The great people of this
state deplore censorship in all it’s verilant forms and officially recognise the
fake Blogger(s) known as Stephanos Anton Ballmerfeld as a geniune
American treasure and beackon of art, satire, truth, verity, humor, wisdom
and wit!

I am grateful for the hard work and the efforts of everyone else who
courageously supports The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Jerry Brown, Governor of the State of
California, do hereby proclaim FSB a national treasure and honorary Californian.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Great
Seal of the State of California to be affixed this day – 2017.

Jerry Brown
Governor of California

ATTEST:
DEBRA BOWEN
Secretary of State


When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’19 a Changed Man


For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’19!
Death to Apple and Linux!


When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’18 a Changed Man


For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’19!
Death to Apple and Linux!


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A Little Help From My Friends!