The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

Posts tagged “sales

How could 90% of the population be wrong?

I was in my Architect’s office the other day when I overheard a conversation between an engineer and the office copy-boy:

CB – “Chuck, did you see the video of the new software from Apple, it really rocks!”

Chuck – “Nah, I’m not interested in any of that crap”

CB – “but, but, but it made this stuff we use here look primitive …”

Chuck – “Look CB, you have to face reality, it’s a Microsoft world out there! How can sooo many people be wrong? The majority uses Windows because it is the best, anything else can only cause problems”

CB – “So you believe that the majority is always right?”

Chuck – “Ofcourse they are, it’s obvious”

Don’t be a weirdo like the copy-boy! All of your friends use Windows, you should too. Haven’t you noticed that the Mac-guys are always the drooling goofballs with high-water pants, plaid shirts and zits.

For you and your children’s sake don’t let this continue.


The Day That The Music All Died!

ZDnet and ArsTechnica almost got this right, they wrote:
MSN Entertainment and Video Services general manager Rob Bennett sent out an e-mail this afternoon to customers, advising them to make any and all authorizations or deauthorizations before August 31. “As of August 31, 2008, we will no longer be able to support the retrieval of license keys for the songs you purchased from MSN Music or the authorization of additional computers,” reads the e-mail seen by Ars.
“You will need to obtain a license key for each of your songs downloaded from MSN Music on any new computer, and you must do so before August 31, 2008.
If you attempt to transfer your songs to additional computers after August 31, 2008, those songs will not successfully play.”
While it is true that we are planning to let MSN Music Customers “go it alone”, it is not true as they imply that we don’t care! I am personally sending a letter (on paper) to each and every one of them expressing my concern. This dispite the fact that the service never really took off and there aren’t that many of them anyways, I still care. The letter will include ten “credits” for songs at the Zune Media Store.

I am not evil.

The Other Fake Steve and Others Discuss ME!

Zune vs iPhune X – Declutter Your Life!


Sermon notes from Thursday Nite Defrag Service:

“…. and I saw a beast rising out of the land of girl-men; it was glossy and bossy, it held sway o’er the lives of men and didst give them no rest; their faces and souls did it devour! He who has wisdom beware the X-beast, beware it’s enslavement, hide thine face and retain thy soul!”  – Redmond 6:23-24b


The “new” iPhone is on the market and what a market it is! At $999 a pop? Give me a break people!

I personally decided to declutter my life!

Having apps tracking your every move, telling you what to do, dictating to you, a phone that looks at you all day. I mean, who is in control here? Is it you or that thing? Don’t you feel a little bound by all that tech? On the man’s grid every second of the day – a digital slave! THAT is what you are an iSlave! You don’t call the shots anymore!

I personally decided to declutter my life!

Sure you need a digital ASSISTANT not a master! I say, rise up people! Reclaim your lives, your family, your very souls from these iThings! Be a human again, remember how that felt? ……. I thought not.

You need a Zune not a Massa’ that you shuffle and hustle for! Break your digital chains and be free boy!

I personally decided to declutter my life!

— keep your $900 cash and get a Zune on amazon for less than $100


BusinessWeek: “Unlocking Value” at Microsoft

Businessweek has published an excellent article singing the praises of one of our young vibrant product managers, Scott Buchannon, it is an excellent read!
Scott is an MBA in charge of “Unlocking Value” for our customers of the MS Office Suite, Many people have our products but need a little help unlocking and deploying their full value. I quote:
“you can only experience the value of a chocolate chip cookie once you ‘deploy’ it to your mouth or the value in a pair of running shoes once you ‘deploy’ them to your feet”
He also mentions “real-time editing” … all of this dispite the fact that he knows nothing about computers:
“I’m not a very technical guy. On my first day at Microsoft it took me 30 minutes just to find the latch to open my laptop (though I did successfully find the “on” button pretty quickly)”
Great employees like Scott and his team are there to help.
Read the article and get some insight on a typical day for a typical extraordinary MS employee.

When I Left Tehran DTAPUC ’19 a Changed Man

For most of the Conference here I let my Middle Eastern Subordinates here do all of the talking, they would tell me, “just sit here sir, smile, nod and make no sudden moves!” I did this for three days, most of the people passing in the reception lines were very friendly.
I was spat on only twice, but my handlers told me that this was a gesture of good-will, a welcome of sorts.
I wonder why the security guys beat and hauled both spitters away then? Could my subordinates have been fibbing to me? It’s their jobs if they were!
On the very last day, I was asked by a very insistent English speaking reporter to personally make a statement. My people didn’t want me to but, hey, I’m the CEO here and I was darned sick and tired of being told to sit, nod and make no sudden moves.
So I went up to the podium and told them the truth:
“You people are going to have to change the name of this conference! I mean, ‘Death to America’ is not exactly a very inviting term now is it?”
They all looked at me like they were surprised, I like that, so I continued:
“My people here have explained that for you all the term ‘America’ is generic and means ‘that which is bad’, but we from the west don’t take it that way!”
The reporters then asked, “Well what term should we use oh great one?” (I like these guys)
I thought about it for a second, “If you want to fight evil, poor programing, mediocrity and backward thinking, hmmmm … Let’s call it ‘Death to Apple and Linux Power User Conference’!”
They were a little slow to catch on, so I did like they do, I raised my arms and started to wildly chant it!
“Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! ….”
It caught on like wildfire, they were waving their fist in the air, some chanted until they fell out, “Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! Death to Apple and Linux! …….”
What a great way to end a confefence!
I can’t wait to come back to DTAALPUC ’19!
Death to Apple and Linux!


… As I was Passing the Times Square AT&T Store!

Summer 2011