The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!


Chuck the Condor Mascot – Terminated


I told the Clippers Board of Advisors,

“I came up with the idea for the new mascot, I designed the outfit, I even choreographed his entrances and stunts. I agree with you that it is just not working out. Nobody is interested in seeing a dancing buzzard during halftime, it was a mistake. I will personally ‘handle’ the situation. It’s my baby and I will axe him and cut off his employment and terminate his contract.”

We sang Radar Love and dismissed the meeting. It was already late, so I went to my office and had Helga call Chuck for me and arrange for him to come to my remote cabin in Bayshore Hills, “Tell him I will be in the garage.”

You see I’m not one of those cowardly bosses who terminates you by phone or e-mail. I look you right in the eyes and ask you personally why you failed me, let me down, wasted my time and embarrassed me in front of the whole freak’n world? ….. just before giving you your severance package.


Just in Case You Missed This Weeks Vikings!


My favorite show right now in season 5. If you somehow missed one this week you can go to the History Channel and watch. Just click above.

Yes, I am helpful. Name another billionaire fake blogger who cares about you this much. ….. You can’t, can you?

Al Franken? …. I Thought He Was a Gay Freakey Little Bucktoothed Cretin!

My bad, well sometimes I’m wrong about freaky little bucktoothed idiot moron pervert cretins.


Being Like Apple, While Being Better Than Apple!

From e-mail that I sent to employees years ago, following the announcement that Platforms & Services chief Kevin Johnson is leaving the company:

“… Apple: In the competition between PCs and Macs, we outsell Apple 30-to-1. But there is no doubt that Apple is thriving. Why? Because they are good at providing an experience that is narrow but complete, while our commitment to choice often comes with some compromises to the end-to-end experience. Today, we’re changing the way we work with hardware vendors to ensure that we can provide complete experiences with absolutely no compromises. We’ll do the same with phones–providing choice as we work to create great end-to-end experiences….2700630132_578503ecff
Looking ahead, I see an incredibly bright future for our company. As I said at the June 27th Town Hall for Bill, we are the best in the world at doing software and nobody should be confused about this. It doesn’t mean that we can’t improve, but nobody is better than we are. Nobody works harder than we do. Nobody is more tenacious than we are. We’re investing more broadly and more seriously than anybody else. Our opportunities to change the world have never been greater.

I look forward to working with all of you as we focus on our five priorities in FY09.”



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A Joint Alternate Transaction Venture Deal Thing

If you have been reading the news, blogs, commentaries, press releases, …. about the status of the Yahoo/MS deal or no deal kinda’ deal deal, you may be getting a little confused.

Let me straighten this all out for you:
Confusing the heck out of everybody is exactly what our plan is! Poor Yang threw up his hands when he was asked what’s going on! lol.
This is one of the oldest strategies in the world, confuse everybody soooo badly that they eventually just give up resisting you and give you what you want without even realizing it. I’m using the:
“I’m gone – I’m not, but I am or is Carl Ichan or are we, so yes or no to a deal but not a partnership or venture but definitely a transaction for just part not all search!”

By the time they finish talking to me they will have signed something that’s not what they didn’t know it wasn’t for an amount they aren’t even sure of!

Understand now?
I love being CEO!

Proof of GOD!

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