The Original Fake Steve Ballmer – Exiled by Blogger!

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Who am I?

meSteve Ballmer

Redmond, Washington state, Quasi-Retired US CEO and general Manager at the worlds most powerful and pervasive company, a mover and shaker with world changing influence and charisma. Don’t freaking cross me! Microsoft wants to “get the appropriate economic return for our shareholders from our innovation,” A few of my more memorable quotes:

“I think it would be absolutely reckless and irresponsible for anyone to try and break up Microsoft.”

“There’s no substitute for innovation, of course, but innovation is no substitute for being in touch, either.”

“What we’ve gone through in the last several years has caused some people to question ‘Can we trust Microsoft?”

“I like to tell people that all of our products and business will go through three phases. There’s vision, patience, and execution.” “Google is an illusion”

“I don’t know what a monopoly is until somebody tells me.”

“We don’t have a monopoly. We have market share. There’s a difference.”

“That whole monkey-boy dance thing never happened, that wasn’t me, I was in Hardeeville that day”

“I never threw a chair, uh, all of the chairs in my office are bolted down, so there!””Linux is a cancer…”

A Donnie McClurkin Break – Love this Guy!

Yeah, I’m a Jew, I’m just a pitiful one, a pitiful one who loves going to the Holyland Experience in Orlando. It’s the next best thing to actually going to Jerusalem itself. The music there always blows me away Praise the Lord! oops

Kim, oh Kim

lilkim

Most people (except the CNN watchers) are crediting Trump with the dramatic changes we see in the policies we see changing in North Korea. But we here know the real reason.

I’m sure Steve Ballmer is shaking in his boots – Joe Wilcox

balmI like Wilcox:

How else could he react to the stunning news that Macs now have 5 percent global PC market share. Surely the Windows monopoly is teetering on its foundations. OMG! It only took Apple 10 years to achieve this stunning milestone. Steve Jobs set the 5 percent goal a decade ago when launching the first Apple Store. Quick send the EMS team to Ballmer’s office!

Needham analyst Charlie Wolf claims the 5 percent number, really 5.2 percent, globally, based on IDC third-quarter data on PC shipments. Apple Insider posted the numbers late yesterday. I haven’t seen the report yet today. But who would make up something like this or stretch the numbers by X percent? So in a break from form I’m sourcing Apple Insider until the report reaches my bursting inbox. Usually, I wait on the original source.

TheNextWeb editors can’t contain their giddiness. Headline: “Explosive growth takes the Mac to over 5% global market share“. Oh yeah, 10 years surely is explosive growth bysomebody’s measure. Hurry up and place that 911 call, before Ballmer chokes on his Egg McMuffin.

Needham’s numbers sure are disturbing, showing Mac shipments growth outpacing other PCs in almost every sector:

  • Overall market (24.6 percent compared to 5.3 percent)
  • Business (43.8 percent compared to 4.8 percent)
  • Europe (19.5 percent compared to 10.7 percent)

Then there’s China, where Mac whoops Windows PC behinds: 57.2 percent Mac shipment growth. How unAmerican of Apple! Ballmer drives American cars, too. It’s a pride thing with him.

These numbers are amazing! Has EMS resuscitated Big B yet? Yell these things when shocking Ballmer back to life:

  • Needham’s growth numbers come from a small base — the aforementioned 5.2 percent.
  • They don’t represent larger market trends, like Windows over 90 percent market share.
  • Missing is the large number of businesses upgrading to Windows 7 on PCs already in place; they’re not buying new.
  • Growth patterns are dramatically different (e.g., apparently slower) for products that have saturated their markets.

But don’t mention China. High software piracy rates there are a Windows problem. Apple sells hardware and software, which you won’t see on the streets of Beijing for a couple of bucks a copy.

Yes, 5.2 percent global Mac market share is surely some kind of achievement. Is Ballmer breathing yet?

Huckabeed!

huckabeeatvistachapel

Mike Huck for some strange reason called a press conference last week and talked about, me! He went on and on about anti-trust abuses at Microsoft, price fixing, bad software, viruses, ….. then one of the reporters in the audience reminded him that I was no longer the CEO of Microsoft.

awkward silence …….

Mike: “how about those Cavaliers?”

You got to love Mike Huck!

Pryor in Gun Shop

Autographed at HeavenCon ’09

heavencom2

I will never sell my autographed pictures from Heavencon ’09.

Sammy and Lib would never forgive me.

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